The One You Want
by armless-phelan
Summary: How do you cope when the love of your life and your soul mate are two different people?


Danny had been awake for hours. The glow of his alarm clock baptized him in a sinful red light. His husband slept beside him peacefully, unaware that Danny's thoughts were with someone else: that they were with his best friend.

When Danny got engaged to Stiles, they were shortly out of high school and didn't want to wait. Stiles had been the one to propose, surprising Danny shortly before graduation by dropping down on one knee in the parking lot. He said yes. It was a young love: a new love. They both thought it would last forever.

It did last a few years. Danny opted to go to the UCLA tech program while Stiles flipped burgers to pay the rent. He claimed that he had no interest in college, and Danny was secretly happy they could stay together.. They spent the occasional free weekend catching up with Allison and Scott. Lydia had gone away to Harvard and didn't speak to them anymore. They had no idea where Jackson was. He just simply vanished.

On Stiles' twenty-first birthday, Danny surprised him with a wedding. Being a fast food worker and a struggling college student, it wasn't anything fancy, but Danny was proud to have his father-in-law be their witness at the courthouse. They spent their honeymoon at CES, Stiles' wedding gift to Danny.

When Danny graduated from college and they moved to the Silicon Valley, Stiles found work in a convenience store while Danny floated from start-up to start-up. It wasn't easy, but Danny was grateful for the sacrifices his husband made so he could live out his dream.

That was why Danny felt so horrible as he laid in bed, his back to Stiles. Their tiny apartment seemed even smaller when he didn't want to look at the places he made his mistakes. He didn't want to think about the time, years before, when his friends Scott and Allison stopped by to visit for the week, but Allison was called away by a work emergency on the East Coast.

What Danny did think about was the two days spent playing video games with Scott while the phone didn't ring with job offers. He thought about sharing a box of cheap wine with Scott while his husband put in a twelve hour shift to help pay for dinner.

Danny traced his lips where Scott, tipsy and excited, kissed him. He looked at the dresser he slammed Scott against as they removed their clothes. Even though he had long since gotten rid of the sheets and comforter, Danny was certain he could still smell Scott McCall in his bed. He wanted to know why Stiles couldn't. He wondered if his husband had come home, looked in the bed stand drawer, and noticed that a condom was missing. He wondered if Stiles had known all this time and said nothing.

Thinking about it, Danny still loved his husband. But the week he and Scott spent together behind their partners' backs had awakened something in him. He longed for freedom from shackles he never noticed he had. He resented the ring on his finger as much as he loved the man that put it there. Stiles never noticed the distance growing between them and Danny resented that, too.

Of course, after Allison came back from her business trip and left with Scott, Danny had been ashamed of himself and did his best to try to make things up to Stiles. Cooking dinner, nights out walking through town, even adopting a pet frog together: but it was gone. The magic they had once shared could not be recaptured. Danny found himself wondering if he had killed it with his infidelity, or if it had simply died with time and he hadn't noticed.

So, on one of the days Stiles worked a long shift, and Danny wasn't being an unpaid intern, he climbed in his car with half a tank of gas and some money he had hidden away and drove back to Beacon Hills. He stopped in and visited the sheriff, making the important appearance with his father-in-law, then stopped by Scott and Allison's place. Allison was gone again, selling something or other in New Mexico for her father's business, and Scott was alone.

Danny and Scott talked awkwardly, both avoiding why he had obviously come back. Then Danny kissed him: slow, gentle, and warm. The passion he no longer felt when he made love to his husband was there with someone else. Scott led him to the bedroom and they rekindled a fire Danny had hoped was a flame that had burnt out.

They promised each other and themselves that it would never happen again. But it did. Over months. Years. Scott had a daughter with Allison and Danny avoided the subject of kids with Stiles. He was hired into an entry level position at a company that developed knockoffs of popular smart phone apps. Scott and Danny had less time to see each other, but they did the best they could.

Every time Danny and he would get together, Scott would swear that if it weren't for his daughter he'd leave Allison. They'd run off and move to Canada or something and live the good life. Danny never believed him, but he loved the fantasy. He loved Scott. And he knew that if Scott did offer, he would leave Stiles and never look back. Danny felt horrible about it, but he couldn't lie to himself. No that he had trouble lying to Stiles.

The numbers on the clock drifted closer and closer to when the alarm would go off. Danny turned his back to them, hoping futilely that if he couldn't see them they'd stop. He held his husband close and thought of his lover. He wished it were Scott that he was holding and he hated himself for it. Stiles deserved better.

"Do you find me attractive?" The words ran through Danny's head as he breathed in the scent of his husband. It was such a simple line. And one he could still answer in the affirmative. The women he worked with cooed over the photo of Stiles he kept on his desk. They assured him that he had great taste in men, and Stiles was a hit with the company's softball team even if he struck out every time he auditioned.

Danny wondered if they'd all feel the same way if they knew he kept a picture of Scott in his desk. When he'd work overtime, he'd sometimes wait for the office to empty and he'd put Scott's picture on top of Stiles' and think to himself how much better it looked. He knew he was a horrible person.

Looking back at the clock, Danny saw it was five minutes away from going off. He rolled over and pulled the plug from the wall. Holding his husband once again, Danny didn't care that he'd likely be late to work. Stiles had an evening shift anyway. Closing his eyes, Danny pulled Stiles close and did his best to remember how Scott smelled and felt. He almost fooled himself that he was happy, and that morning it was good enough.


End file.
